I was trying a new medication, and late one night, it became evident to me that it wasn't working. Mania!!! Plain as day, the feeling was familiar and clear, and it was strong. Since the worst memories of my life occurred when I was acutely manic, it was not something I was willing to take chances with.

I knew that if it got much worse, I'd be too crazy to take meds, too crazy to check myself in to a hospital. There was an urgent need to act.

I took my antipsychotic.

In 1988 I'd been hesitant to call my shrink in the middle of the night, with absolutely disastrous results. I didn't make that mistake again. At 4:00 AM, I called him and woke him up. I'd been seeing him for 7 years by then, and I'd never done anything like that before. We discussed it, and agreed that I should check myself into the hospital.

I drove myself in to the emergency room at the hospital where he had visitation rights and checked myself in. I'd never been to that hospital before. Normally when you go to the ER you spend a long time waiting, and this was no exception. And, as usual, there was a lot of paperwork. And then a nurse who I'd never met before was interviewing me, trying to get a sense of my state of mind. By this point, the antipsychotic had kicked in completely and the mania was at a level I knew I could manage. I just wanted the nurse to leave me alone so I could get to sleep before the sun came up.

I'd spent enough time in mental hospitals before that I knew the drill.

At the time I had a Chinese girlfriend who didn't believe in psychiatrists or medication (Chinese culture is like that). She was often urging me to quit both and deal with my problem with holistic Chinese herbs. I never for a moment considered going along with that. She had only been my girlfriend for a month or so, and I hadn't told her the worst of what my manic episodes had been like. I almost never talked about that with anybody. So she really had no idea what I was up against. I never called her from the hospital.

I spent a couple of days in the hospital, switched to a different medication and stabilized. I never did or said anything crazy the whole time, and went back to work. Fortunately, the hospitalization occurred over a weekend, so I only had to take one or two sick days.